Rain is magic {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com}
Rain is magic {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com}

The rain resonates with me this week. The cool misting during a morning run and the torrential downpour while sitting relaxed on the balcony. Even the chilly light rain while I walk to work.

After a week already pushing 90° it seems extra meaningful. I’ve given boots and my favorite cozy sweater one last wear until faSoon I’ll be tired of the gray, but today the rain is magic. I’ve curled up with open windows, enjoying the crisp fresh air. Soon I’ll be tired of the gray, but today the rain is magic.

 


 

I wrote this a few weeks ago. I’m not sure what it is (simple creative writing piece? Free form poem?) and didn’t necessarily intend to publish it, but it fits today.

I pause in these moments.

When the world I see doesn’t match my vision.
The colors aren’t as bright, the energy isn’t as positive and everything seems just a bit mean.

When my perspective doesn’t match what another sees.
I say one thing and my partner hears something different. Or the same realities become different memories.

When a reflection doesn’t match the truth I know.
My body doesn’t look like this, her first impression can’t be accurate or his action doesn’t echo the friend I know.

We all live in moments when truth becomes very gray.

With the grayness comes anxiety and as that fog swirls in, the world takes on a vagueness I hadn’t noticed before. Suddenly I want to claw my way out of this gray-world box. I need contrast. I crave black and white, yes and no, friend and foe.

But that doesn’t exist, does it? The polarization of black and white isn’t truth. Or, it shouldn’t be.

Truth is in the gray.

When I remember an event one way and my friend remembers it another, chances are neither of us is correct. Chances are the truth is somewhere in the middle; in the gray.

It is the space between black and white where creativity and discovery and passion exist. Where community grows and diversity thrives. In the gray spaces, status is challenged and new ideas are built.

This moment, standing the fog, I see variety and blending.
I see black and white and all shades of gray. I see solids and patterns like an endless kaleidoscope.
I move, my perspective shifts, and I realize that each point of view really can be different and still be truth. I watch others move, study the ripples caused by their steps and am awed by the transformations those ripples create.

This time, the moment isn’t one of anxiety, but of wonder.

The courage to be honest with confidence | PilotingPaperAirplanes.com

Hi!

This will be a bit of a rambler post – apologies in advance. I’ve been musing on this for a while and haven’t quite found the flow to write about it… so I think I’m trying too hard. Here are my thoughts in all their un-finessed glory.

I was first challenged by this post titled “I’m not pregnant. It’s just my belly.”

I can relate in that I have a body type that fits some “beauty standards” (hourglass figure and a full bra size); for the most part I’ve always been happy with my shape. I’ve also always carried some extra pounds. The confidence in my curvy figure or honesty about my health have varied over the years. Still, I’m generally pretty comfortable in my skin.

But even on a good day, I don’t think I could manage her final thought:

“After some time and a few breaths, I smiled and unwrapped my jacket from my waist. I decided to let my little belly be. I wasn’t confident the whole time, but I was honest. And if you ask me, honesty is damn sexy.”

My response to the article had me confused. I wanted to be all “body confidence, yay! I dress for myself not anyone else. One person’s dumb comment doesn’t need to ruin my day. *quietly repeats calming mantra to refrain from poking out eyeballs*.” In the moment, I think that’s exactly how I would have responded.

But because I lived the story in private through another’s writing, the immediate impulse to put on a brave face didn’t happen. Instead I wanted to cry. I mentally tied that jacket around myself and hid.

My reaction confused me because it was honest. Raw. Vulnerable. Even weak. The list of people who see this part of me is short and I don’t open up easily. The post served as a mirror and what it showed me was uncomfortable.

Maybe it has hit me stronger because I’m particularly aware of my body lately. It is spring, after all. The tank tops and skirts are coming out while the magazines urge me to slim down for summer. It’s probably the hardest time of year (because once the summer heat and humidity hit, I don’t care so much how I look and just about staying cool).

This thought process is showing me that personal confidence and courage are not the same thing, and most importantly, that honestly trumps both.

If you made it through my rambling, high five!

*

How are you feeling this spring?
Confident, courageous or honest?

when motivation hurts {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com
when motivation hurts {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com

I’m taking my normal “gear myself up for the week” post a different direction today. Let’s talk about some of the harmful motivation on Pinterest and Tumblr and then how we can better evaluate the images we share.

As a note, I found all of these images by searching “motivation” on Pinterest. I have purposefully not linked them back. I also searched for motivation tips either showing or directed at men because I fully understand these concerns are not limited to women as portrayed in the images below. The search resulted primarily in scantily clad woman (surprise) and the few images of men that included quotes or tips were actually pretty good. We could take a lesson on the types of messages that should go on pictures of woman too.

1. Pain and guilt

The problem here is obvious. Pain tells you “hey, something’s wrong here, I might get injured.” Not listening to pain is how I’ve damaged my knees and pulled muscles. Learn the difference between pushing through a tough workout and ignoring serious signals from your body.

And know that breaks are good! We don’t need to feel guilty about a rest day or rest week, or time off to heal from injury or to recover from illness.

2. The wrong reasons

I could get on a very large soap box here and write about how I cringe each time I see the thousands of images like these, but I’ll keep it brief. To make someone like you more is pretty shitty motivation. To play upon someone else’s insecurity and/or make them jealous is even worse.

These also fuel the idea that we have to attain a certain type or level of fitness to be “hot,” attractive or worthy of jealousy. Absolutely nothing about this message is positive or motivational.

3. Hatred

These images encourage body hatred, plain and simple. Just look at that list! Collarbone, hip bone, thigh gap. The final “do it for yourself” point looks thrown in to make the image not that horrible. Or the top right: cry over a body you hate. And the bottom left image is a plain lie. Many of us can never be that in months because our bodies aren’t built that way.

I don’t want to judge body hatred itself. It’s a real emotion many of us – myself included – face every day! “Motivational” images that play on those insecurities do not help us work through body hatred in the least.

Positivity goal

As much as Pinterest and Tumblr are full of unhealthy “motivational” posters, there are plenty of great ones as well. I just encourage you to take a little time to evaluate before sharing:

• Does the image make me like myself?
• Does the tip sound like something my doctor would recommend?
• Would I give this advice to someone else / my child / a friend?

My plan going forward is if I can answer “no” to any of these questions I won’t share the image. Please join me in a commitment to sharing positive messages and encouraging healthy views of our bodies. 🙂

Have you ever felt discouraged by a “motivational” image or tip?


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A dark side of health bloggers {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com}
A dark side of health bloggers {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com}

My bubble of “healthy-living bloggers are such a supportive and positive community” was just popped.

As happens so often on the internet, I was caught in a rabbit trail that led to me to Get Off My Internets, a forum site dedicated to venting and skewering bloggers. I then spent more time than I want to admit reading through forum pages of some big healthy living and running blogs.

I am ashamed.

I only scanned the forums for blogs I know. Many of them are long gone from my personal reader for various reasons. I even agreed with a lot of what I read. Or at least ended up agreeing. The power of suggestion went something like this: Oh yeah, I guess that is annoying. It always bothered me when {blank} wrote {blank}. Now I know why. Even worse: I understand how {blank} could be irritating, but I never noticed. Except now I will. Every time.

It seems I have avoided a dark corner of the internet until now. I understand discussion and disagreement on the internet as a form of social learning and development. Previously private conversations now play out on a grand scale online. Hello comment sections! Many times I learn more scanning through comments than I do from an article itself, despite some horrible things people say behind online anonymity.

Some of the forums hit on important questions, like “do healthy-living blogs encourage disordered eating and workout obsessions”? Um, yes. I would love to have that conversation!

Do fitness blogs encourage workout obsessions? {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com} Do health blogs encourage disordered eating? {PilotingPaperAirplanes.com}

Other comments raised concerns about whether specific bloggers are actually healthy. This isn’t really anyone’s business besides them and their doctor… but I’m willing to give a pass here with reservations. When you read a blog for a long time, you pick up trends. When a blogger starts to take a seemingly negative turn, regular readers notice. Is this worth discussion in a public forum? I’m not convinced, but it does raise some concern that a blogger with a lot of social influence could hurt readers in the process.

What made me hang my head in shame was the general bitching:

• “I hate how she writes with. so. many. periods.”
• “All she does is whine and complain, I can’t stand it.”
• “I’m so tired of reading how she’s the perfect Christian SAHM who gets to run every day.”

And the kickers that get a rise out of me so fast:

• “I never thought she had a great body anyway.”
• “She thinks she’s way better looking than she is.”
• “Why does she always wear pants like that? They make her legs look awful!”

EXCUSE ME??

….

There are no words. I’ve been staring that this screen for several minutes and still don’t have anything short of a full-out scream fest in response.

The worst part is these forums are often started and maintained by other health bloggers. People who [should] sure as hell know better. Who [should] understand how much those words really matter. It is pretty evident in the forums that many of the bloggers themselves keep tabs. So not only are we bashing and shaming these people, we’re doing it knowing they are likely to read it. And we’re announcing that its OK to belittle someone with such a lack of basic respect.

The solution is stunningly simple: you don’t like a blog anymore, don’t read it. The opinions you can keep to yourself – or at least behind the privacy of email with friends, not a public forum. Good gracious. If you can’t say something nice…?

My happy online corner of beautiful people accomplishing extraordinary things full of encouragement and support just had a dark shadow creep in. Pardon me while I go watch these adorable goats playing. And some JLaw funny moments. Maybe some Benedict Cumberbatch clips. I need to find a happy place again.

Your turn:
Are these forums valuable?
What serious conversations should fitness/health/lifestyle bloggers be having?
Am I simply overreacting?


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